Warning: Tasks in mirror are more difficult than they appear (Wedding Part I)

It’s my understanding that most girls start fantasizing about their wedding at about 5 years-old. I suppose this makes things easy for the groom as his only responsibility is showing up appropriately dressed. I’ve even heard of a woman who had a notebook with the details of her proposal, wedding, and honeymoon, all written before she even met her husband. She just gave him the notebook with instructions to follow it explicitly. Talk about romance. Luckily, Linh (D) wasn’t one of those girls. It is just another of the many, many reasons why I adore her. In fact, I don’t think she ever really thought about her wedding until after we got engaged. It’s great for me because I get to be part of the decision making process. After all, I’m getting married too. However, this also means that we are starting at square one, and there is so much to figure out!

Now, D is a trooper, but getting married is really stressful for her. As she says, “There are two things I don’t like: dealing with family drama and being the center of attention.” And nothing brings those two things together like being the bride at a wedding. She’s apprehensive about the wedding, but she is looking forward to being married. That’s fine by me. Anyway, I like being the center of attention. So, I’ve taken the lead in planning our big day. It may not be traditional, but there are plenty of traditions I don’t care for. Besides, what we have in mind so far is anything but traditional. Example, D wants male bridesmaids. The only question is whether to put them in tuxes or dresses. Maybe I should have female groomsmen to give the wedding party symmetry.

There are many things for us to figure out, such as when and where we will get hitched. But the single biggest factor is cost, as that limits our options. My original budget was $3000, which then ballooned to $5000. Now I’m trying to hold steady at $10,000 for the wedding and reception, not including rings, dresses, music, dresses, tuxes, or centerpieces. And that’s not for an over the top affair. We don’t want to spend needlessly and believe a more reasonable wedding will be more fun regardless. It’s bizarre to think that we are both eating on a ramen budget for a year so our guests can enjoy a meal and some drinks. We spent more money on food in college that we do now. I knew weddings cost a lot, but I thought that was due to lavish spending on needless fluff that no one will remember. We are still over budget, even though we are pinching pennies and have foregone expensive venues. So we have racked our brain plates to figure out other ways to have a nice but affordable wedding. Our ground rule is that the honeymoon is sacred. We will get married at a Dairy Queen if necessary, but we are going on our honeymoon!

First, we’ve called on friends. Luckily, D knows an officiant, Auggie. And the incredibly talented Juan Reyes has agreed to photograph the event. D’s mother has agreed to get the rings and mine is getting D’s dress. Also, her aunt and my parents have been gracious enough to help with some of the costs. We are truly grateful for all the assistance we have received. We have no desire for a lavish affair, but unless we decided to simply cook Costco brand hot dogs in someone’s backyard (and provide no tables or chairs), it’s going to be expensive. So from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

We’ve also toyed with other cost cutting ideas. I’ve heard of people having a dessert reception. By having the reception between lunch and dinner, you only serve dessert instead of a full dinner. While it would help with costs, we have relatives in Florida, Maryland, and Texas. No matter where we get hitched, most of our guests will be coming in from out of town. As the lovely D rightly pointed out, we can’t ask people to fly across the country and not feed them.

Other cost saving measures include trimming the guest list. We’ve gotten it down to about 75 (from 100), but that doesn’t account for a few +1’s. We may end up prohibiting or at least discouraging +1’s. It makes me feel hypocritical, having brought a +1 every wedding I’ve been to, but if it means we don’t have to get married at Chucky Cheese (D’s idea), I’m all for it. to Another idea was having a cash bar instead of an open bar. That would also upset *some guests. (*Everyone except my mother.) But we may stick with just wine and beer.

One area we refuse to skimp on is the wedding cake. This is the second ground rule. The cake has to be awesome. D isn’t concerned with the food, but she wants an awesome cake. We may be feeding our guests generic brand mac n’ cheese, but we’re having the cake of D’s dreams. We’ve seen some amazing works of art online, but most of those feature licensed characters from video games, TV shows, or movies. This is our wedding, not a release or wrap party. I don’t want us defined by someone else’s creation. Our wedding cake needs to be unique to us. Thing is, it’s difficult to come up with a unique, classy cake idea in the information age.

Stay tuned for an update in 48 hours!